Does Age Matter in a Relationship?

Relationships are away a person can be able to bond with others. We are either attracted to the person based on their looks, energy, the way they think, and the security they bring. So at times, age doesn’t quickly come into play for the first few couple of months especially after connecting with the individual. In today's society, most relationships with a massive age gap of 20 plus years are mostly frowned upon or criticized especially due to cultural reasons.

From my personal experience, I know of a few individuals with such kinds of relationships. A friend of mine, Lucy(not her real name) is married to a spouse who's 18 years older than her, so I once asked her if she had been bothered by the age gap. To my surprise, she said she was at first; “It was awkward at first, this mbaba had been flirting with me and I honestly didn’t take it seriously. Then I noticed he was serious and I was actually falling for this mzee and then came the whole dilemma of telling my parents but it was honestly worth it”

Some cultures frown upon the idea, especially Kenyan culture!! It's often seen that you usually have an ulterior motive behind the relationship, and in most cases, it's about money. The concept of having sponsors has affected our mindset to a point where if you are a lady and you're dating a much older man the first thought that comes to others is that your incentive is money. For men, the same contemplation affects them perhaps even worse.

In some cases, it is true, that women at times are biologically programmed to be attracted to a mate who has better resources and security, and thus some might go for a more successful suitor. For men, they seek outer beauty and attractiveness as a sign of fertility. Although these facts are true they are not always applicable, a successful woman, the success or amount of money a man has might not be attractive. Men who prefer inner peace or even character might consider looks like second hand. We’ve evolved over the years and are advancing both mentally and biologically.

Age in a romantic relationship has various benefits to it despite being heavily been frowned upon

1. Maturity

Life is a process of trials and errors, this concept increases our experiences, and inevitably our sense of maturity increases. No one wants an immature partner, who would put up with that?!! Having a mature partner makes things much easier because you both know who you are as individuals, your goals, and your vision. Knowing and loving yourself is the first key to any successful relationship, then you can love others. Men tend to mature at the age of 30 while women by the age of 22, meaning women tend to mature faster than men. Although this entirely depends on the number of experiences you’ve had. An immature relationship is an arduous relationship, too much work!

2. Sense of Security.

In all honestly, dating a mature person be it a man or woman isn’t looking for anything that isn’t serious. Our generation has become toxic and has degraded the notion of dating to a game mainly meant for enjoyment. To a point, most people are either in a relationship because of arbitrary reasons or are not in any. Someone older tends to know what they want in life and if they see you fit to be their companion they’ll pursue you relentlessly. Trust me when seeing your partner is serious about you removes the excess worry.

3. Different View Points

The age difference directly correlates to the difference in mindsets. A relationship needs work because doing the same thing over and over is honestly boring. With different views on life, you each have something to offer. The younger ones can be able to bring in fresh ideas and fresh energy while the older ones can bring calming energy. This always keeps the relationship fresh and vibrant.

Anything good always has a bad side. This also applies here, other than the constant eye glaring the couple might receive other issues that come with such a relationship. Different viewpoints can be able to benefit a relationship only if both partners are willing to be open to new things. It however can work against the relationship, being closed-minded is poisonous for a healthy relationship and applying different views is like adding gasoline to a burning house. If you feel as though you can’t handle it then simply RUN!!

One other disadvantage is that each person depending on their age has different life priorities. A 30-year-old guy will have a different goal than a 20-year-old lady; one wants to start a family the other is just thinking about what shoe to buy next. This factor has been the main reason for most age relationships. Each partner has different goals they are each trying to achieve. Having different life priorities can be a hindrance especially when each one is trying to achieve what they want in life but the other seems to be in the way.

At the end of the day, you need to ask yourself what it is you want to be in life. We are in a world where you just need to be honest with yourself and others. Never portray your ideologies to others because they might have a different view of life. If you prefer an older partner and your intentions are pure, go for it!! If you prefer younger partners go to those who prefer older ones. We need to be free and live without worrying about what others say. If you aren’t bothering anyone go for it!!!